I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
