Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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