Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
