This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
