man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
