hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize