God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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