pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she woke up with a sticky ear
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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