We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
