I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
