Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
