my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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