He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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