I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
