im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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