dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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