She went from zero to smokin in five shots
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
