you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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