no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
