i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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