That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize