you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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