You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
