I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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