You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
