i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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