can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
