i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize