to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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