when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
