Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
