So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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