i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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