I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
