Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
birth control should be required to get into college
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
