I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize