we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
