TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
