You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
