I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
