SEEEEXXX PLEASE
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize