dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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