Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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