Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
