I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
