just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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