i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
