that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize