yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
