It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
