So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
