Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
