I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
