he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Green mimosas i think yes
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
