If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
