So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
