Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize