i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
