my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize