Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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