Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I AM VODKA MAN
In other news, I just burned my penis
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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