R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
