clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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