Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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