She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
